Thank you so much for your reply. It really has helped me understand that it’s ok to feel the way I do. However, I can’t help but feel guilty. If she knew how I felt, she’d be devastated. Aren’t friendships supposed to be open and honest? That’s why I feel guilty.

As you know, I struggle when it comes to making friends because I am so picky and guarded with my heart. In my opinion, a true friend is someone who compliments the other. I can’t say that “J” is going to do that for me. I don’t see her as the life-long friend that I’d hoped so much for. And as much as I claim to be unmoved by that fact, deep down, I’m really struggling with it. It saddens me that the one person who I shared everything with can’t be that person again. I’ve literally been searching for her for years. Now I keep asking myself, “for what?” And it keeps coming back to closure.

I’m still planning on being her friend. I have no reason not to. She’s a really wonderful person. She’s just never going to be the person I’d hoped so much for her to be. She’s never going to meet my expectations.

Since getting a Facebook page, I have gotten back in touch with a lot of people from different points in my life. It really has been a blessing. Mostly because I can choose the degree of contact that I have with these friends.

If all of my friends were put into a room together, I am POSITIVE many of them would not get along. They would be polite and friendly but many of them would not be friends.

The friendships that we have throughout our life serve a purpose –and sometimes that purpose is short-lived. Life-long friendships are really a rarity. It’s amazing that my husband has so many of those friends!

Friendship shouldn’t be a burden. While it is definitely okay (and sometimes healthy) for friendships to be unequal, it is not okay for those relationships to feed off of your life-force.

You know our friend “A”—-think about how many parasitic friends she’s had! How did either party benefit from those friendships?

I’m glad you found your friend—-but I think you’re right, it really was about closure for you—-and I don’t think you should feel guilty about that.

The amazing thing about friendship is that we can never predict when or where one will bloom. Sometimes the people we felt most connected with end up being the people we have the least in common with as adults. Sometimes our mortal enemies can turn out to be our best friends.

:)

Maybe all the other students in your class look at you and think, “Wow. She’s really got her act together. I wish I was as confident as her about my decision to become a teacher.”

We never know what other people are thinking in those situations. Most of the time, it isn’t anything at all like we suspect. I know you want to make friends, but cut yourself a little slack and don’t psych yourself out.

:)

Sometimes, she makes me uncomfortable by being a little too condescending, but everything she has to say makes sense, whether I agree with her or not.

Whenever we face tough times, the most important thing we can do is take ownership of the things we can and accept that the part we don’t like may just be beyond our control.

I have been working hard to “tone up” this summer because I do care what other people think about how I look—and I don’t think that is a bad thing. I like it when people compliment me on how I look—especially because it has required sacrifice on my part to look the way I do.

That being said, if people judged my character solely on my physical appearance I would be upset. While I have many liberal friends who hate “beauty” pageants, I still steadfastly defend my participation in them. Pride in your appearance speaks volumes about your self-confidence. If you don’t care enough about how you look, you send a message that you are not a priority to YOU.

Still, we all can’t look like supermodels—that’s just damn fine genetics at work; but nothing should ever stop us from being the best “me” we can be. Taking care of ourselves physically is a part of that.

And we also need to take care of ourselves intellectually and spiritually. We need to attend to all three of these things in order to be someone that is an equal partner in a relationship.

It sounds like you are definitely on the right path. I’m proud of you!!!

Way to go!!!!

I don’t think it is possible to be an equal partner in any relationship—friendship or romantic—unless we feel personally fulfilled and comfortable.

Everyone feels self-conscious from time to time. For every self-confident person, there is at least one person somewhere that can make them uncomfortable. The key is to find where you fit in and surround yourself with the kind of people that make you the best you can possibly be.

I’m so glad you are going back to school!

Great review.

Kathy