I received a phone call from my mom last night, just after 10:30. I said out loud to my husband, “I hate when she calls me this late.” It almost always means there’s something wrong…
My grandmother has a small lump in her breast.
At first, I was relieved. Not as bad as I had expected. But then all of a sudden, I was overcome with worry, fear, dread. My grandmother had breast cancer 20 years ago and had to have a mastectomy. Since then she has been cancer free. In the summer of 2001, she had a heart attack. Since then, she has been given a clean bill of health. She’s 77 years old. Why on earth would God want to take her now? People her age don’t die from breast cancer. They die from diabetes or heart attacks or strokes. Not breast cancer. (I’m sure I’m wrong; you just tend to hear about younger women dying from that disease.)
Breathe…
I don’t know anything yet. My mom is supposed to call me today to let me when her operation is scheduled for. The doctors won’t know if it’s cancerous until they remove the lump, but they want to remove it sooner than later. I’m sure that’s standard protocol, but still. To know they are suspicious makes me nervous. I can’t even imagine how my grandmother must be feeling. She is the strong one, doesn’t let things get her down. She is positive, happy, confident. She is my hero; the one person I look up to most in this world.
I don’t know when or why it happened, but somewhere along the way, my grandmother and I developed a very close and special relationship. I come from a very large family with six uncles, one aunt, and a whole smorgasbord of cousins and second cousins. My grandmother has 21 grandchildren (one has since passed away) and 20 great-grandchildren (with another one on the way). I don’t know why she chose me, but I am one of the few grandchildren that holds a very close bond with her. She would do anything for me and me for her.
In May of 2001, she had a heart attack on the very day that I was supposed to move in with her for the summer. Although it was a very stressful and painful day for her and the rest of the family, I still managed to move in and spend much of the day at the hospital. I was very fortunate to have my future husband by my side during all this. He did the best he could to keep my spirits up and keep my mind off the issue at hand. Both my grandparents loved my future husband very much. Little did any of us know that we would be engaged the very next year.
I remember the very day we told my grandma that we were engaged. I tried to make sure my ring finger was front and center before we actually told her to see if she would notice on her own. She didn’t. So, we were all getting ready for dinner (much of the family was there for some reason or another, I forget why) and I remember saying, “Grandma, LOOK!” She saw my ring, looked at me and was the happiest I swear I have ever seen her. She was beaming, gave the both of us a huge hug and immediately said, “We have to use the good china!” I think she told me she’s only ever used that china once before. It was her mother’s. I felt so special and so loved at that moment. As much as I don’t like being the center of attention, that day I was ecstatic. I sure loved my grandmother. She certainly knew how to show someone appreciation and love.
As a child, I remember looking forward to the days I got to go to grandma’s. We were there for every holiday, every special occasion, and probably every other weekend. It was just a fun, loving place to be. As much as some of my uncles drove me crazy, there was always someone there to have fun with and look up to. I would have to say that being at my grandma’s house is probably one of my first and fondest memories.
I can’t imagine my life without my grandmother. As much as I understand (and dread) the inevitable, I don’t let myself think about it. I realize “life happens”, but that’s just one part of life I don’t know how I will deal with when it does happen. Nothing will ever be the same. Family functions will dwindle, moods will be saddened, and the family closeness that we all hold now will never again be as it was. My grandmother is the glue that holds her family together. She is the strength, the rock, the one solid piece that keeps us all close. And as much as we all know how much it means to her that we stay close, I honestly don’t see it staying that way. Everyone gets together because that’s how my grandma likes it. It makes her happy that she always has someone coming or going. Her house is never quiet, not for a minute. People come to see her. She lights up a room when she’s in it. She makes you feel better when you’re around her. She is just a happy free spirit who has given me so much.
Lord, please keep my grandma safe and here with us. Let her live a full, happy life with the people who need her most. She wants to live another 20 years! She DESERVES to live another 50! Amen.
