This post is referring to one of my early posts about finding the courage to contact an old friend.
Dear J-
I want to start off by saying how sorry I am for taking so long to contact you. I have been thinking about you a lot over the past few years. I even attended our ten year high school reunion in the hopes that you would be there. You weren’t, and that was ok, but I thought for sure the directory that was provided would have your new contact information in it. It didn’t. I knew you had gotten married so I searched for you with your new last name on the internet. I found a few hits but nothing that I was 100% sure of. So I resorted to sending this to your folks’ house. I knew for sure you’d get it then.
What do I say? Why am I writing you this letter? What kind of response am I expecting? So many thoughts are spinning around in my head. I know we didn’t “end” things on such a great note, but when I look back, it was so trivial. So “high school”. I guess what I want to say is that I miss you. I miss the close friendship we used to have. There were never any reservations, any expectations. I loved you for you, you loved me for me. Unconditionally. It’s odd to think that we were best friends when we started school and best friends when we graduated, but that we aren’t now. How could we let something so minuscule destroy what we had?
(Geez, this sounds like a love letter…)
I was never someone who had a lot of friends, nor were you. For me, I think it was a trust thing. I couldn’t let someone in on my deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings unless I judged I could trust that person with all of me. You were that person to me. And still, to this day, I don’t have a lot of friends for that very reason. I can probably count my closest friends on one hand. I don’t know about you, but I think the friendship we had was a very special one; one that I regret losing. I know that a lot of the fault lays with me. I could’ve tried harder, not let petty things get in the way. And although I know I can’t go back in time and change the things I did, I would love to have another chance. Another chance to make things right. Just a chance to show you how much I’ve grown and how much I’m still learning about myself. And most of all, a chance to show you how much our friendship has molded me into the woman I’ve become today.
I reminisce a lot about the things we used to do together. The Mary Kay makeover where they told us NOT to wear any makeup but you just couldn’t leave the house without your face powder. The time you came to my house with all of your jewelry making materials, just to show me how to make a rosary. The notebook and stickers we used to carry around and pass back and forth every class period (I have the stickers…do you still have the notebook?). There are so many things that make me miss those days. Don’t get me wrong, I am very pleased with the way my life has turned out so far. But I also know that I have a lot left on my plate, this being one of the most important.
Friendships are such special, invaluable things. Too many people let them slip through their fingers, never to find that sacred bond again. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in life, but I think if I slowly try to fix the ones that have had an impact on who I am, God will forgive me. And hopefully, you will too.
Love,
Allison
